Breaking the habit, tonight

5th August 2005 | permanent link
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I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Tonight

...

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit
Tonight

- Linkin Park "Breaking the habit" from the album Meteora

It's interesting how certain lyrics influence us. I recently found myself listening to this song by Linkin Park for well over an hour. Repeating the words 'Breaking the habit, tonight' in my head over and over again. And it struck me. What the hell am I waiting for?! Just start doing stuff for yourself, cause in the long run, that's all that matters. How you look on the years that went by. Either you have regrets and want to do it all over again, or you look upon them with a sense of ease and pride. Well I'm sick and tired of looking back and seeing nothing but crap. It's time for a change. I'm breaking the habit, tonight!

What i will do from now on:

Do stuff for my self, for my soul. Artistic wise. Read books, and by books I don't mean computer books, cause I read enough of those.
Excercise every day. I already do this, but will continue to do it on a more regular basis. I will make a schedule for each day of the week and will abide it.
And most important right now, study hard for exams and all through the year. I'm not your best student. I have an average grade of 7.7 out od the possible 10 and that's just not good enough. By far this is the thing that gets me down the most and I've been down for a while now.
Things that I can do today should've been done yesterday. I'm your typical person. Why do it today when you can do it tomorow. Hell no. It's time for a change. It is a bit harder to get any work done cause I work from home, but it makes it so much more easier if you look at it. No driving to work, no foreign workplaces. Just my own little cosy room.
Get up sooner. Way sooner. I tend to sleep in too often. And it will happen soon that I will sleep through the entire day (or so my mum says).

I belive that by doing this simple things I will reach a better understanding of myself and what I want to do in life. And why did I decide to post this personal thing here? Well it makes it more official. I have made such commitments before, but never went through with them. So by posting it here you know I mean business. Keep your fingers crossed. If stuff goes as planned this simple blog will start to flurish. I can only hope that I can get it through my thick skull that I'm doing this for myself and not for anybody else.

tags: music, personal